When we can’t explain something, we always look for someone or something to blame. & with childhood cancer, the blaming game seems to be popular against moms. At least for me, it seems as though everyone is quick to blame me. Whether it’s for what I fed him, how I grew him or even where I brought him.
The first time you meet any doctor, whether it was the oncologist, the surgeons or even a medical student, the first questions they ask you are, “How was your pregnancy? Did you do something you weren’t suppose to? Was everything normal?” They next thing they ask you is if you ever took any medication during your pregnancy that could be harmful to your child and then your family history… as if you are the reason your child has cancer. I understand they need to know it all, and at 2 years old there wasn’t much history on my child. However, those being the first words after hearing the diagnosis of your child, you can’t help but feel blamed for your child being sick.
The blame game doesn’t stop in the hospital but continues out in public. Everyone wants to know what I fed my child, as if I purposely gave him food that would give him cancer. They want to know if he was breastfed, what cleaning products I used, what my job was and if I took him on vacation anywhere. I get it, as a parent looking in on me, you wouldn’t want to raise your child as I did, since the fear of cancer is a strong one.
It’s bad enough I blame myself for not saving my child, but when everyone else also tries to blame you, it feels as though you were the reason you couldn’t save your child.
So let’s go through this:
– My pregnancy was great, no issues at all.
– I was 21,the birth was perfect. He came out 8lbs 11oz and 22.5inches, with not one health issue.
– I breastfed him for 15months and then pumped until he was 18months.
– We made his baby food & he loved vegetables & fruits.
– I was a stay at home mom during the first year of his life then went back to school
– He never ate any red meat or pork
– Never gave him sweets ( since he was 2 when he was diagnosed)
– We only ever brought him to Disney world
– & for family history on my side, he only ever had to worry about high blood pressure.
Mason was 2 years old when he was diagnosed with cancer… no one is to blame. Something just switched in his body. As the doctors said, you won the worst lottery.
Would I do anything different? Nope, not one thing.
Although I will always blame myself everyday for what happen to Mason, and that will never change. I do however hope one day, we won’t always try to point fingers for something we don’t understand.
To all my fellow moms who have a child with cancer, as much as I know you do, try not to blame yourselves. You are incredible and would never stop at anything to make sure your child has the best life. Never forget that.