Dear 2017

It’s been an emotional one…  & it’s a year that I cant seem to find the right words.

I entered 2017 without Mason. The first year without him, and that was horrible. All the first without him, getting his head stone, and trying to adjust to life all seemed impossible. My heart was falling apart and I just couldn’t pick up the pieces most days. The guilt I felt anytime I would smile or laugh was a constant struggle, and still is. It was a year of an emotional roller coaster.

A year of many struggles and a year that was good, at the same time?

2017 brought us light in a very dark place. On June 1 2017, Miller Mase entered the world and repaired pieces of my heart. I was a mom again, and that was the best feeling. It was as if Mason knew what I needed and wanted to make sure I wasn’t in constant pain. Miller has his brother’s big blue eyes, striking smile and a dimple hidden under those chubby cheeks. He knows his brother so well and always has a smile when we say his name or when we show him a picture. He just has so much love for him as we do. On some of my bad days… Miller knows, and can always put a smile on his Mommas face.  He has been the best thing for my heart and I love him so much it’s impossible to put into words.

This year has proven to be a struggle, personally, mentally and physically. Going through grief is something that takes your whole body. I’ve dealt with many personal struggles, and have notice that I haven’t dealt with them, but instead put them on the back burner. With grief, that is the worst thing you could do. It builds up so much anger, sadness and frustration that it will make your body sick.

2017, I didn’t focus on myself, I put others in front of me, I didn’t allow myself to grieve properly (not that there really is a proper way to grieve). 

I put a fake smile on too many times, I said I was okay too often when I wasn’t and I put the needs of others in front of my mine, even on the days I couldn’t. 2018 will be the year to focus on my pain and to deal with it, instead of pushing it to the side. The pain will never get better or go away, but to be in tune with it will make things a little more bearable. 2018 will be the year to figure out ourselves, to be a little more selfish and to always be thumbs up.

There have been so many special moments for Mason. Remembering him, honouring him and leaving a legacy. Many tears have been shed, so much love has been shown and continuing his fight has been so rewarding.

2017 is the year we said lets do this, a year that we said we wouldn’t give up trying to help other kids effected by childhood cancer. We set a goal and within a month we hit it. We set more goals and smashed them all. In 2017 Fight Like Mason Foundation became an Official Registered Charity. It was a long and hard process but we never gave up. We crushed goals like no tomorrow and have so many new and wonderful things for 2018 & cannot wait to start crushing more goals!

It’s been rewarding watching Mason make a difference, bring awareness and hopefully changing the world! I am so proud of my main boy and what he is doing for other kids.

We’ve work our ass off, and it has paid off. This wasn’t something that just magically happened, we worked night and day to make all these things possible.

I could go on and on about the foundation but we will save that for new year!

So 2017, I don’t know how I feel about you but I know that I am not sad to see you go.

2018 will be hard. Going into the second year without one of my perfect boys is unimaginable, but I promise I will continue on his legacy, continue working my butt off and continue bragging about him (& that will never stop). 

So once again as tonight we ring in the New Year, be fearless (but not stupid), be brave, be a little selfish, be loving, conquer the world, and most importantly be you!

2018 – We are coming for you – We will conquer you – We will believe in ourselves- & we will change the world! 

Thank you all for making 2017 one to remember for the Fight Like Mason Foundation!

Happy New Year Mason SuperSoldiers.

xo Mason’s Momma,Papa&baby brother.

 

Comments

  1. Chantelle and Iain, there is no shame in putting yourself first. So many don’t realize the immense strength, stoicism, effort and pure love it must have taken to start and grow Mase’s foundation the way you have while at the same time you were drowning in grief. You are amazing people. I wish you peace and special moments in 2018 that will remind you that somehow, somewhere that boy of yours is still near. xoxo

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